count on me_______we'll be friends forever_______

Guy Code
Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2008@12:48 p.m..

I read this somewhere :) is it true? :))

The Holy laws that every man shall obey are the following:

1. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. No exceptions.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem—you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. If you own a sleep sofa or live on the second floor it is pizza and beer. If you own a sleep sofa and live on the second floor it shall be eaten inside a restaurant. If you are over 35 years old then hire some movers, cheap bastard.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddies and their girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads—low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight,you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weightlifting:

"Yeah, baby, push it!"

"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"

"Another set and we can hit the showers."

25. If the breasts are fake you can stare all you want. The poor girl paid for ten thousand dollars worth of attention and damn it we are going to give it to her!

26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

27. Never join your girlfriend slash wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

31.The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

32.Threesomes are girl-guy-girl only. No sword-fighting allowed.

33. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) Anna Kournikova gets married. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth.

34. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

35. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

36. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

37. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

38. Women can't drive. Period.

39. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

40. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

41. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

42. You poke it, you own it.

43. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

44. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

45. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to apologize.

46. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller than his girlfriend's cat.

48. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport.

49. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

50. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

51. It should be understood that while—yes—cheerleading is not a sport, it is perfectly acceptable to watch.

52. If a man is punched and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice. The lesson will continue until he learns to take it like a man—no rubbing.

53. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases: "down in Tijuana,” "one time when we were all piss drunk,” or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw.”

54. When in doubt in an argument and/or you know you are defeated, storm off, preferably slamming the door and/or hitting some breakable object on the way out. Always let them think they won the argument.

55. Acting gay with your buddies is only okay in a chicken style to determine the alpha male.

56. Only check out other women when your lady friend is present by use of mirrors. Use the peripherals.

57. The following sentence may only be used as an escape route for having ignored rule No. 57: "Would you look at that one!! What was she thinking?"

58. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360/Playstation 3. End of story.

59. Slapping another guy on the ass is only allowed in good fun. Not with intention. Slapping women on the ass without permission is unacceptable. Get permission first.

60. It is ROCK, PAPER and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

61. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

" BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

Get it now?

62. And finally, the one rule that every man MUST follow (even if he forgets the others): A man must live by these priorities—sex, buddies, sports, and beer. Money is an exception for we all realize that eventually we'd be broke-ass poor due to excessive spending on women and beer. It is okay to be poor.

Those that break these Holy laws shall and will be punished. It's a dangerous world out there for men with all the women, girlfriends, wives, and whatnots; therefore, it's up to us guys to look out for each other. These laws MUST NOT be broken, unless compromised

I feel the need| to break free

Guy Code - Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2008
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